Three Pieces of TERRIBLE Advice People Keep Sharing! …and better advice you should actually listen to

Three Pieces of TERRIBLE Advice People Keep Sharing! …and better advice you should actually listen to

Most cliche advice falls into one of three categories:

  1. It’s a cliche because it’s true!  i.e. “Always consider the source!”
  2. It’s a cliche because it tells us what we want to hear! i.e. “Follow your dreams!”
  3. It’s a cliche because it’s catchy!  i.e. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

The problem is that far too few people stop and consider the advice they’re offering or receiving. One of the reasons we offer bad cliche advice is that we know how we’ve applied certain advice, and things worked out well for us. However, what we don’t know is how other people are going to personalize or apply that same advice. While certain words may have encouraged wise action on your part, it may lead others to utter foolishness.

Here are three cliches that are TERRIBLE advice to give someone. They tell us what we want to hear, but not what we need to hear. Unfortunately, my alternative suggestions aren’t as catchy.

Be sure to stick around to the very end for some encouraging words on pursing your passions!

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'The Glass Castle' Tackles the Complex World of an Alcoholic Parent

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'The Glass Castle' Tackles the Complex World of an Alcoholic Parent

Some movies are going to divide audiences. Opening this week is one such film, The Glass Castle.

The movie, based off of the book of the same name, tells the real life story of Jeanette Walls (played by Brie Larson) and her upbringing in a highly dysfunctional family. The film holds back on portraying neither Walls’ fondness for her parents, nor the depths of her parents’ failures.

Throughout much of the film, the story never decides whether it wants to praise or demonize Rex Walls, Jeanette’s father played by Woody Harrelson. From scene to scene (and sometimes within the same scene), Rex will be portrayed one moment as an incompetent, idealistic drunk, unable to take care of his family and then, within moments, it will portray him as a kind, caring, intelligent and charismatic father.

We see Rex as a broken man with the potential to be a great man, but his inability to overcome his demons leads him to drag his family through Hell.

Then, when the film moves into the third act, the storytelling shifts more toward Hollywood tropes and clean resolution. Unfortunately, given the journey up to this point in the film, this ends up sending a jumbled message that almost praises a neglectful and abusive father.

Walking out of the theater, my friend in the screening immediately declared that the film was the most tone-deaf film he has seen this year. Another remarked that it was the worst movie she had seen all year, and a morally repugnant story attempting to praise a repulsive man. While I can completely understand where both of them are coming from, that wasn’t my experience with the film at all. In fact, while these criticisms are likely true of the execution of the film, they’re not the intent of the film at all.

Here’s the thing: For the film’s many storytelling flaws and clichés, it may be the best presentation of the confusion, nostalgia and cognitive dissonance that many people who grew up in dysfunctional homes struggle with.

Five Choices I Made That Enabled My Alcohol Addiction

Five Choices I Made That Enabled My Alcohol Addiction

In June of 2016, I resigned from my position at a church as the associate pastor in order to seek treatment for serious alcohol addiction. Just prior to my resignation, virtually no one besides my wife and I were aware of my struggles (and she only marginally so). I was never a big partier. I didn’t go out drinking. Really, in many ways, my struggle with alcohol came about from dealing improperly with the stresses of ministry. 

I’ve spent much of the last year trying to understand how things got so bad so quickly. As a piece of background information, my father was an alcoholic that died from complications of his use of alcohol when I was 20 years old. Growing up with an alcoholic in the house, drinking alcohol never appealed to me as a teenager. I didn’t even go drinking when I turned 21. Eventually, after the age of 21, I did start drinking, but it was extremely rare, and usually associated with tragedies or events. I actively made choices to avoid drinking too much because I was fully aware that I likely had genetics that would predispose me to alcoholism. All the way up until several years into my marriage, I was extremely careful about how frequently I would consume alcohol.

But, all along the way, there were choices I made that set me up for failure, or that actively set me on a path towards alcoholism. In each of these choices, the problem wasn’t the action itself, it was the logic and history behind it. As I made these choices, I was fully aware of my family history, and I chose an action that inclined me toward a dangerous direction.

Here are five deceptions, and five choices I made which led to serious addiction:

7 Things Married People Should Never Do...if they want to stay married!

7 Things Married People Should Never Do...if they want to stay married!

Marriage is hard!  

Once the honeymoon is over and you settle back into normal life, it doesn't take very long to realize conflict is inevitable. There are so many ways for tension and conflict to creep into a marriage.

  • Honest disagreements where no one is actually wrong
  • Miscommunications leading to hurt feelings
  • Poorly chosen words
  • Thoughtless choices
  • Selfish choices
  • Intentionally toxic actions intended to harm

When you take two sinners and make them roommates, they will sin against each other. Inherently sin between two people creates space between those two people.  There will be times when feelings are hurt and romantic emotions dwindle, and in those times there will be space between you.

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Life Doesn't End When Everyone Finds Out

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Life Doesn't End When Everyone Finds Out

In June 2016, I resigned from my position at a church after eight years in order to seek treatment for alcohol abuse. By the time I resigned, my struggle had grown into full-blown alcoholism. I would drink as often as I could, and as much as I could. What started as a way to unwind after a long, stressful day in ministry or life in general eventually turned into an addiction that I could not stop. There's no exciting start to my addiction, just something that started as once per month turned into once per week, turned into once per day, which turned into whatever I could manage without getting caught.

All the while, I was in a community of people who could have (and would have) stopped me and helped me all along but, instead, I kept my struggles a secret. I tried to solve my problems on my own; this only fueled the addiction, as well as the toxic nature of what I was doing.